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~ Tales of Romance ~
Whispered Promises
Chapter 10
Dani rubbed her face against the silky soft fabric, of her pillow, beneath her cheek and snuggled closer into the embrace that sleep held her dreamily within. Hauntingly romantic music surrounded her and sent chills of excitement racing through her blood as she felt herself lifted high into the air, and held securely, the ice several feet beneath her. Silently they flew across the icy surface; the cool breeze they created caressed her face, and sent wispy tendrils of auburn hair dancing against her cheeks. The chiffon of her skirt floated in the breeze, a silken caress against her legs and the arms of the man who held her so surely. For the first time, in a very long time, she felt a freedom and joy on the ice that she had been missing. Skating had become a job; something the world expected her to do. But recently, somewhere along the line, skating had lost its magic and wonder and she found herself having to force herself to do something that had once filled her every thought; both awake and asleep, on and off the ice. The very thought of getting on the ice made her cringe, except, of course, when she was skating with Emily, then she was able to see in the young girl's eyes everything that had once made her own eyes sparkle. With a wistful sigh, she longed for all the feelings that had once been so prominent whenever she thought about skating; and she longed for the determination that had urged her forward and enabled her for so many years to focus on winning Olympic Gold. Now, she only felt lost and floundering, alone on that huge sheet of ice and out of control.
"Dani&ldots;" a voice softly murmured. The strong arms that held her as they flew across the ice slowly lowered her back to the ground; her body sliding sensuously against her partner's as he gently returned her to the ice. Her fingertips lovingly caressed his face as he held her close, his deep gray eyes filled with a knowing look, a sexy smile on his face as he gazed down into her smiling green eyes.
"Dani&ldots;" the voice murmured again, a gentle nudge against her shoulder shattered the reverie of her dream.
"Ummm?" she mumbled, and frowned as her swollen lip pulled painfully. With an elegant movement, her slender hand pushed her hair off her face and she opened her eyes to find her father smiling at her and holding out the phone.
"Emily wants to know if your skate date is still on for today?" Aleksei offered quietly, his shining dark eyes taking in the rosy glow of her cheeks and dazed expression in her eyes; she might be nearly eighteen, but she was still his little girl.
"As far as I'm concerned, it is. Emily's okay, isn't she? She's not sick is she?" Dani asked worriedly, pushing herself into a sitting position.
Aleksei's head shook back and forth. "No, Emily's fine. She was concerned about you. After all, you're the one who collapsed the other night. Emily wanted to make sure you weren't too tired to skate. She didn't want to wear you out and make you sick," Aleksei explained softly.
Dani shook her head in disbelief. Five-year-olds weren't supposed to be concerned with making adults sick. Five-year-olds were supposed to be carefree and joyful, wondering what Santa was going to bring them for Christmas next month, not giving away their name and pondering their approaching death fearlessly. Dani wished she had half the courage Emily displayed so freely.
With a deep sigh, she squared her shoulders and she reached for the phone in her father's hand. "Good morning, Princess. I hear we're going to skate today," Dani stated cheerfully, hoping Emily missed the little hitch in her voice.
"I would like that, if you're not too tired. I know you bumped your head when you fell and I wouldn't want you to make yourself so tired you get sick and can't skate at all," Emily's little voice stated seriously.
"Come now, Miss Emily, you know we Rocmanov's have heads made out of rock. A little bump on the noggin might slow us down for a day or so, but it certainly doesn't keep us off the ice forever," Dani offered, a smile curving her lips as she listened to Emily laugh at her silly statement.
"If you're sure?" Emily asked hopefully.
"I am very sure," Dani stated with a nod, looking at her bedside clock. "Tell you what, put your mama on the phone and we'll see exactly what time we can meet at the ice house and have our skate date," Dani suggested, smiling when she heard the phone clang against the table and Emily call for her mother.
It was only a few seconds later, the phone was picked up and Mrs. DuBois was on the line. "Danielle, I am so sorry Emily called this early. I hope she didn't wake up your entire household."
"Don't apologize, everyone was awake and moving long ago. Mornings come early to us here," Dani stated, considering the little white lie worthwhile if it meant alleviating the woman's upset.
"Thank heavens. Emily had a rough night last night; she's been up for several hours already. In all honesty, I'm surprised I was able to keep her from calling you until now," she stated softly
Emily's excited chattering in the background stopped and turned into a deep, wracking cough.
Dani's heart squeezed painfully in her chest. "How long has she been up?"
"Since about three-thirty," Emily's mother offered quietly.
Dani looked at her clock - seven thirty-three. Emily had already been up for four hours, patiently waiting to call her. "Do you think she should rest before she skates?"
Mrs. DuBois looked at her daughter, could see the energy emanating from her in her excitement and shook her head. "I don't think it would even do any good to try. She's so excited at the very thought, all she would do is lay there and keep asking me how many more minutes she had to rest. Maybe if she gets to skate a little, it will allow her mind to slow down enough to let her body rest," her mother stated hopefully.
"I can be at the ice rink by eight-fifteen," Dani stated, scooting out from beneath her covers. "How's that sound?"
"Wonderful. Dani, you don't know how much this means to Emily, and to me. You're an angel to be doing this," Mrs. DuBois said softly, her voice shaking with emotion.
"There are several people who might quibble over your opinion that I'm an angel, but I thank you for the compliment all the same. As for the other, it's you who will never know how much spending time with Emily has meant to me. She has shown me more about living and being alive in the last few weeks that I could have learned in a lifetime on my own. She's made me rethink what's important to me and realign my priorities." Dani's voice deepened emotionally.
"Dani, I know what this is costing you, emotionally. I don't ever want you to feel that you can't 'no' to me, or to Emily; you have a right to a life of your own," Mrs. DuBois urged.
Tears filled Dani's eyes. "Mrs. DuBois, I will never say no to either you, or your daughter. I'm in this for the duration; whether you want me or not!"
"You shouldn't have to watch a child die a day at a time!" Emily's mother stated hotly.
"Neither should you, and you most definitely shouldn't have to face it alone," Dani offered quietly, brushing away her tears, and lifting her trembling chin in a show of false bravado.
"Dani&ldots;"
"Please don't argue this point with me. I promised Emily we'd skate this morning and time's a wasting."
"Will you have trouble getting on the ice? I know the hockey team has the ice scheduled every morning the next several weeks," Mrs. DuBois asked tiredly.
Dani could envision Mrs. DuBois rubbing her forehead and closing her eyes as she fought her weariness; she'd seen her do it so many times. "Not to worry, I've got some pull when it comes to getting on the ice when I need to. Sometimes it pays to have friends on the inside," Dani stated reassuringly.
"Thank you, Dani. I'll see you at eight-fifteen."
"No problem, and dress Emily warmly. Tell her we're skating in pants today so she doesn't insist on wearing her little skirt."
"She's not going to like that."
"Then just put them over her pants, that way, everyone will be happy," Dani suggested.
"Good idea. I'll see you soon." Mrs. DuBois sighed.
"Okay, see you soon," Dani answered, and quietly disconnected the line.
"Are you up for this?" her father asked quietly, his heart breaking as he watched her courageously fight the tears that continued to fill her eyes.
"I promised Emily."
"Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for breaking a promise."
"Not a promise given to a child; not a whispered promise."
"Dani, you can't stop the inevitable. No matter how much you wish it were different, no matter how hard you fight against it and rage against destiny, Emily's fate is decided. It's just a matter of time." Aleksei stated softly.
"You think I don't know that?" Dani gasped, spearing her father with a look so filled with frustration, and pain his breath caught. "I've got news for you Daddy; if giving up skating meant Emily would live to go to her senior prom, I would burn my skates this minute and never step foot on the ice again. But that won't happen, so all I can offer that sweet little girl is a chance to make a few memories. Skating an hour with her is a tiny price for me to pay if it puts a smile on her face and gives her something to look forward to; something to think about, other than her own mortality!"
"But the price to you isn't small. Knowing Emily is going to die soon is tearing you apart, it's taking a toll on you that you refuse to acknowledge, it's stolen away a dream you've had your entire life!" Aleksei argued.
Dani ran her hands through her hair and shook her head back and forth. "Was it my dream, Daddy, or simply, a given expectation of the 'Golden Rocmanov's'? If you and Mama hadn't made it back from that accident, would things have been the same? Would Sergei and I even be in the skating field?"
Dani's question stunned Aleksei to silence, and his heart pounded heavily in his chest. How many times had he asked the same question himself, when he pondered the wisdom of allowing his children to follow in his and their mother's footsteps? How many times, while Jordan was going through torturous physical therapy after the accident, had he wondered if it was worth the pain and heartache? He looked down into his daughter's pain-filled face, and felt at a loss how to answer her. Her worshipful expression begged him for the answer that would fix everything and make the world right again.
And he didn't have one.
Aleksei's shoulders lifted in a barely perceptible shrug. "I honestly don't know, baby. The ice is so much a part of who and what we are; it's hard to believe things could have been much different. Maybe your mother and I would have coached instead of gallivanting around the world competing and performing. Maybe we wouldn't have won Olympic Gold, and that would have been okay. The very fact your mother was able to skate again, after the accident, despite being told she would probably never walk again, was reason enough to celebrate and keep us on the ice. It seemed natural that we would share that with out children." Aleksei lifted his hands in supplication. "Maybe we did you and Sergei a disservice by even introducing you to the ice."
Dani's hands slid into her father's, squeezing them reassuringly. "Daddy, with or without you, Sergei and I would have found the ice. Some things are simply meant to be. You and Mama are always saying some things are simply destined to be, obviously your children skating are one of those things!"
"But I never expected you to find such pain on the ice too," he stated shakily.
Dani's hands reached up to cup her father's face, and she shared a sweet kiss. "Daddy, sometimes pleasure and pain are but a heartbeat apart, yet both feelings remind you are alive and that you should appreciate all you have and give back some of what you receive. I've been given so much; it's my turn to give back. I choose to give it back to Emily. And no matter how much it hurts, or how long it takes, I will see this through to the end and be stronger because of it," Dani whispered firmly.
Aleksei's dark eyes filled with tears. "Dani&ldots;"
"Shhh," she commanded, wiping away one tear that traced down her father's cheek. "I've got a Princess waiting for me and you know how royalty hates to cool their heels!" With another soft kiss, she whispered, "I'll see you later," and headed for the bathroom.
Aleksei's legs grew weak, and he sank onto his daughter's bed, scooping up one of the myriad of stuffed animals that still held residence against her headboard. Gazing down into the ratty and worn pink bunny that he remembered having given her when she was just a baby, he hugged the well-loved animal to his chest, and breathed in the scent that reminded him of his daughter; lightly floral, fresh and a bit whimsical. Casting his eyes heavenward, he silently thanked God for the generous, loving, wonderful creature that was his daughter, tears sliding in silent trails down his cheeks as he cried for all she was yet to face.
* * * * *
Dani was dressed in a bright red warm-up suit, cautiously sipping a cup of hot chocolate, when Emily came charging through the doors to the ice house, Mrs. DuBois close on her heels, and skipped to a halt in front of Dani.
Emily's eyes were wide as saucers when she spotted Dani's swollen lip. "What happened to your lip? Does it hurt?" she asked breathlessly, bending forward, until they were almost nose to nose, so she could get a really good look at it.
"Emily!" Mrs. DuBois sighed; shaking her head back and forth and offering Dani a commiserating look.
"It's okay. If I saw someone with their lip looking like this, I'd want to know what happened too!" Dani countered, and turned her attention to Emily. "I fell on the ice and cut my lip a little bit. As to it hurting, only when I smile, or yawn, or get hot chocolate on it," Dani answered calmly.
"Will it stay fat, like that, for always?" Emily asked, looking at it closely again.
"Emily!" Her mother turned red with embarrassment.
Dani waved her off. "I certainly hope not. Boys don't like to kiss girls with fat lips," Dani offered in a stage whisper.
Emily's face scrunched up into a look filled with disgust. "Ewwww. Boys. Kissing. Yuck!"
"Now, you don't mind Grandpa Aleksei kissing you, do you?" Dani asked Emily.
"'Course not!" Emily giggled, sending her mother a shy look.
"Well, think about it. He's a boy," Dani countered.
"No he's not; he's a man!" Emily corrected her, shaking her head adamantly.
Dani crossed her arms, tilted her head and gave Emily a sideways glance. With a sigh of surrender, and a nod, she said, "You're right, I stand corrected. Well, with my lip this way, it hurts to give Grandpa Aleksei a kiss, and since I simply must give him a kiss every morning and every night, I am hoping this fat lip goes away very soon!"
"I hope it does too," Emily agreed.
"Well, with the two of us wishing for it, I'm sure it will be gone before you know it!" Dani stated with a wink, spreading her arms wide for a hug. Emily looked up at her mother, a look of concern in her blue eyes.
Dani eyes lifted to meet Emily's mother's, understanding dawning as she realized the hesitancy Emily felt to step into her arms; concern for the wound on Dani's lip and the possibility of spreading the disease that was slowly, but steadily, stealing her away. Dani fought the urge to cry.
"Emily&ldots;" Dani called her softly, cupping Emily's small face between her palms. "I don't want you to ever worry about hugging me, or kissing me. The two of us know the rules we have to follow. I promise you, just because my lip is fat and has a small scab on it, does not mean that I cannot hug you, or you can't give me a kiss. It just means, until my lip is all better, you'll have to kiss me on the cheek," Dani stated quietly, her heart skipping a beat as she watched Emily's blue eyes glisten with unshed tears.
"I don't want to make you sick," Emily whispered.
"You won't, and I don't want you to ever worry about that again. Okay?" Dani quietly demanded, leaning forward and resting her forehead against the little girl's. "Now, do you feel like skating, or are we going to sit here all day and drink cocoa and eat donuts?"
A small frown creased Emily's brow as she pondered the question. "Can we do both?" she finally asked, a timid smile curving her cupid's bow lips.
"Sounds like a fine plan to me!" Dani agreed, looking to Emily's mother for permission.
"Mama?" Emily asked, excitement lighting her blue eyes, a wide smile on her face.
Mrs. DuBois looked at Dani, saw her small nod of encouragement and sighed. "As long as it's no more then two cups of cocoa and one donut," she stated, smiling as she watched Emily's little head bob up and down in agreement. "Then give me a kiss, promise me you'll behave and I'll see you a little later," Mrs. DuBois asked, opening her arms and wrapping her arms around her daughter's small, slim body.
"We'll be fine, Mrs. DuBois. We get to show the boys on the hockey team that figure skaters are better and kick them off one end of the ice for an hour, while we skate," Dani informed Emily's mother, sending Emily a saucy wink.
"Are you sure you're up to this? I mean, I'm sure with your lip, and everything&ldots;" Mrs. DuBois began, only to be interrupted.
"Mrs. DuBois, everything will be fine. Go home, and take some time for yourself. I've got things covered here," Dani stated firmly, sending her an encouraging look.
Dani watched the battle Emily's mother fought with herself; the need be with her child; to be certain all was as well as it could be considering the circumstances, and the urge to take a few minutes for herself. "If anything goes wrong or something happens, call me immediately." Mrs. DuBois requested, sending her daughter a worried look.
"Of course," Dani said with a nod.
Mrs. DuBois looked down at her daughter, and ran a gentle hand over the pale blonde hair pulled into a little ponytail. "Be good for Dani, and remember, one donut!" she said, holding up one finger for emphasis.
"I'll remember," Emily answered, holding up her arms for another hug and slipping them around her mother's neck when she knelt to the floor and wrapped her arms around her daughter again. "I love you, Mama," she whispered, and gave her another kiss.
"I love you too, baby. Skate well." She whispered, a tremulous smile curving her lips as she watched her daughter take Dani's hand and tug it gently.
"Come on, Dani. You said we get to kick those ucky boys off the ice!"
"So I did," Dani agreed, scooping up her own skating bag, and Emily's tiny skating bag off the floor. "You know the way," she stated, pointing toward the west rink. For a moment she watched as Emily skipped on ahead, her light laugh floating in the air, and turned to cast a last look at Mrs. DuBois.
Dani's heart stopped, as she saw the pain that filled Emily's mother's face as she watched her daughter move away from her.
"Mrs. DuBois?"
"Take care of my daughter," she pleaded softly, covering her mouth as she struggled to keep from falling apart, her hand shooting forward to stop Dani as she took a step toward her.
"As if she were my own," Dani vowed, tears filling her eyes, blurring her vision as she watched Emily's mother turn and rush away from her, the sounds of her soft sobs heartbreaking in the near quiet.
"Dani&ldots;" Emily's voice broke the silence.
"I'm coming, Princess," Dani answered, brushing away the tears from her eyes, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin courageously, before she turned and found herself looking at Matt, who stood holding the door to the West ice rink open for Emily, across the lobby.
Dani's eyes drank in the sight of Matt, as she walked towards him. For the first time she saw him dressed in his hockey gear, looking more imposing and bigger than she'd ever seen him, his helmet dangling from the hockey stick he leaned casually against his shoulder.
His gray eyes glowed wolfishly; one eyebrow lifted in interest as he watched her walk toward him. She's got one seductive little walk, he thought to himself, a sexy little half-smile lifted the corners of his lips as he continued to watch her swaying hips steadily moving forward until she stood before him. "Running late today, Darlin'?" he asked huskily, his hand lifting and catching her chin as he surveyed her swollen lip, a small frown appearing between his eyes as he took in her injury.
Dani fought against the feelings his gentle, warm touch against her skin brought forth, and scowled up at him. "Not everyone gets up at the crack of dawn, especially when they didn't sleep well the night before," she complained, slipping from his grasp and taking a step back, and out of his reach.
Matt's eyes glowed devilishly. "Play hockey with the big boys and you get what you deserve," he teased, looking down at Emily, who watched him silently with owl-eyes and sent her a friendly wink.
Emily's gaze swung over to, and her mouth dropped open in surprise. "You played hockey yesterday - with boys?"
Dani opened her mouth to speak, only to have Matt interrupt her. "Yes, indeed she did, and quite bravely too despite the fact she wound up face down on the ice with her lip swelling up like a plum."
"Did you cry?" Emily asked reverently, and sighed in relief as Dani shook her head back and forth. "Did you really bleed?" she asked in the most serious little voice Matt had ever heard, her tone making him look questioningly at Dani.
"Just a very little, barely any at all really, and it was cleaned up immediately. Then this kind boy here," Dani nodded at Matt, "put ice on my lip to help keep it swelling the size of a watermelon," Dani answered lightly, and ran a gentle hand over the top of Emily's head.
Emily's face scrunched up with worry and she chewed nervously on her lip. "Are you sure your lip's not bleeding anymore?"
Dani kneeled down before Emily. "Look for yourself. It's nothing more than a very small cut that's got a nasty, old scab on it. I promise, I'm fine," Dani vowed.
Emily tilted her head to the side, pondering Dani's words and lifted one hand, her tiny index finger reaching out to cautiously touch Dani's lip. Dani's quick kiss on her finger had Emily jumping in surprise, and giggling nervously, as she looked at her finger, shiny with antibiotic ointment and nothing else. Emily held her finger aloft for Dani to see. "No blood!" she stated excitedly.
"Told you so," Dani answered softly, leaning forward to rub her nose against Emily's, before sitting back on her heels. "Now that we've got the matter of my lip settled, can we go skate?"
"Oh yes!" Emily gasped breathlessly, scooting between Matt's towering form and the door, and then rushing to the bleachers to take a seat.
Dani sighed a shaky breath, closing her eyes and dropping her chin to her chest as she struggled against the emotions that constantly bombarded her whenever she thought of Emily and what was yet to come. When she opened her eyes, she wasn't surprised to see Matt squatted down beside her, concern darkening his eyes.
"What was that all about?"
"It's a very long, very sad story," Dani said softly, sorrow dulling her green eyes.
"I have time." Matt offered quietly.
"I wish Emily did." Dani's voice was a broken whisper, her eyes filling with tears.
Understanding dawned in Matt's eyes. "She's the little girl you skated with the other night; the one ill with AIDS."
Dani could only nod slightly; she was hanging on to her emotions by a thin, bare thread.
Matt could feel the pain and sorrow emanating from her in waves and he moved to wrap his arms around her, only to have Dani jump to her feet and back away another step, shaking her head adamantly.
"Touch me now and I'm lost, Matt, and then I'll be absolutely no good to Emily at all. I promised her we'd skate today and I won't break my promise to that little angel," Dani rambled, pushing her hair out of her face, scrubbing away the tears and struggling to push all her hurt back inside. As much as she wanted to hide away in Matt's arms, lost in the magic he could give her, she wouldn't allow herself that freedom. Another day, another time, but not now.
"All right," he answered calmly, slowly rising to his feet; making no sudden movements that he was sure would send her bolting away from him in panic. He'd never seen anyone that looked more ready to shatter into a thousand pieces, and the very fact she did, scared him to death.
"Thank you," Dani murmured, her eyes filled with embarrassment, as she picked up the skating bags with shaking hands.
"No problem. I'll see you later," he offered encouragingly, stepping aside and holding the door open for her.
Dani squared hers shoulders, took a deep breath and made her way through the doorway, stopping beside Matt for only a moment and with a look filled with conflicting emotions, gently squeezed his forearm and whispered, "Thank you," before making her way inside to find Emily.
Matt closed the door behind Dani, his mind whirling in confusion as he thought back on the past few moments and the myriad of emotions that had swamped him as he'd watched her react to Emily. It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out Dani was madly in love with Emily; you could see it in every touch, every word, every look. She'll make a terrific mother! The thought popped into his head and scared him to death. Why on earth would such a thing even enter his mind? He was barely twenty-three years old, hardly the time to be thinking about parenthood. His mind should be on hockey and winning an Olympic medal in a few weeks, not pondering what kind of mother Dani would make. Yet, the thought of what Dani would look like, her body swollen with his child, made him sigh wistfully. He could envision her skating, her belly so big she couldn't even see her skates. Yet he knew she wouldn't, couldn't, give up the ice, even if it meant her sitting on a chair looking at an empty ice rink, simply breathing in the smell of the ice. The image that filled his head was so clear and perfect he couldn't help but smile to himself, and the smile that curved his lips was one of complete serenity. Maybe it wasn't such a far-fetched possibility.
Matt's name being yelled broke through his reverie and with an exasperated sigh, he turned to see what at the yelling was about this time.
* * * * *
"It's only for an hour and they won't be using the entire ice, only one end," Matt explained patiently to his teammates. Ignoring their protests and complaints that sharing the ice with figure skaters had to be against some written law somewhere and would, in all likelihood, curse the rest of their practice. He calmly assured them he doubted the possibility. With a sharp blast of his whistle, and a dark look directed toward Mike, who sent his own angry looks at Dani, obviously still upset over their previous altercation, and he sent his team back to their practice. "Speed drills, boys. Line up the cones," he demanded.
Dani watched Matt's team members skate away, and felt, as well as saw, the disgruntled looks directed at her. "I'm afraid your teammates are beginning to think you've jumped ship; that's twice you've come to my rescue. If you're not careful, you're liable to find yourself facing a mutiny," she suggested, nodding toward the retreating group.
Matt cast a nonchalant glance over his shoulder. "Mike's a whiner, and he still hasn't gotten over you beating him yesterday; he doesn't take defeat well."
"How's he going to survive the Olympics with that attitude?" Dani asked in surprise.
"He's only an alternate; chances are he won't even set foot on the ice, but he needs to be on the same page as the rest of us just in case we actually need him. That's probably part of the reason he constantly tries to stir things up; not that it gets him anywhere."
Dani's head nodded in understanding.
"Miss Dani?" Emily called softly, her short legs dangling above the floor where she sat on the bench seat, her little toes wiggling in her stockings, her shoes in a little heap on the floor. "My toes are starting to freeze."
Dani's eyes clouded over in a heartbeat and she immediately returned to Emily, slipped to her knees before the sprite and began to massage her cold toes. Emily's wiggling feet and bright laughter told Dani they hadn't gone numb, and she sighed in relief. "How doe they feel now, Em? Are you ready to put your skates on?"
"Yes, Miss Dani," Emily answered with a whisper, her eyes wide and unblinking as she stared at Matt, who still stood watching the two.
Dani speedily slipped Emily's skates onto her feet, had her bang her heels against the rubber covered floor to set her skates and began to effortlessly loop the laces over the hooks and tie a neat bow, tucking the ends under the tongue of her boot.
Emily and Matt silently studied each other.
"Is he your boyfriend?" Emily leaned forward and stage-whispered the question in Dani's ear; loud enough it easily reached Matt's ears.
Dani ignored Matt's deep chuckle and sat back on her heels to look up into Emily's blue eyes. "Well, Miss Emily, he is a boy and he's a friend, so I guess one could call him my boyfriend, but not in the general sense that one might think a boyfriend to be. Understand?"
"Yup. He's a boyfriend who gets to be your friend but not a boyfriend who gets to kiss you and hold your hand and make gooey-eyes at you. But you know what? He was doing that just a little while ago," Emily explained.
Dani's mouth opened in surprise and she wasn't exactly sure how to respond to Emily's initial explanation, when suddenly her final words sank in. "He was doing what a little while ago?"
"Making gooey-eyes at you!" she explained cheerfully, a bright smile on her face, her blue eyes shining in excitement.
Dani felt embarrassment heat her cheeks, and a quick glance toward Matt, who apparently wasn't ready to go back to his own practice just yet, showed her he was more than aware of the conversation going on. "What exactly is gooey-eyes?"
Again, Emily's cheerful laughter filled the air. "Mama says it the look I get on my face when I watch my hot fudge sundae being made and I can't wait to take my first bite!"
"Matt was looking at me as if I was a hot fudge sundae and he wanted to gobble me up?" Dani asked laughingly, sending Matt a quick look and catching her breath as she found herself engulfed by his heated look. Maybe Emily was onto something, Matt sure looked like he would like nothing better than to take a taste of her.
"Kinda. But Mama also said it's a way of looking at someone so you can make a memory picture that will last forever. A picture that will never go away and will always be in your heart; the way Mama looks at me sometimes. The way Grampa Aleksei and Miss Jordan look at each other, and Sergei and Miss Chloe too." She concluded somberly.
"Ah&ldots;" Dani murmured deeply, with a little nod, her heart squeezing painfully. Biting her lip and concentrating on the pain, she managed to keep the tears that threatened to fall, yet again, at bay.
"The way you would look at that man that's helping Sergei and Chloe, when he came to visit you, but I haven't seen him in a long time," Emily persisted.
Dani cleared her throat. "Mr. James is very busy trying to make sure that Sergei and Chloe stay safe, but he was here the night of the show. He just couldn't stay very long," Dani explained, making sure the ends of Emily's ties were tucked securely in her boots, before pulling her to her feet.
"Did he come visit you at the hospital?"
Dani closed her eyes as her emotions ran rampant and a single tear escaped her green eyes, to trace a silvery path down her cheek. "No, Princess, he wasn't able to visit me at the hospital. But I'm sure he wanted to&ldots;" Dani trailed off, unnecessarily fussing with Emily's coat, making sure she was all zipped up and pulling her mittens from her coat pocket.
Emily's tiny finger brushed the tear from Dani's cheek and it rested like a sparkling diamond on the end of her finger, the bright overhead lights created rainbows within the glistening depths of the small droplet. "Mama says rainbows are slides for the angels to play on and that anytime I want I will get to slide on a rainbow someplace different in the world after I go to heaven." Emily's blue gaze captured Dani's tearful green one. "Do you think she's right? Do you think I'll get to slide on rainbows?" she asked quietly, her voice filled with wonder.
Matt watched Dani struggle to hold on to her tenuous grip on her emotions, felt the pain radiate from her in ever-strengthening waves and wished there was something he could do to help her; some way to take the pain on himself and save her from it. Looking at Emily, he was astonished to see this amazingly small child so matter-of-fact and accepting of her circumstances and wondered if he would have been so brave to face his own impending death with such dignity and resolve. He honestly didn't think he would. Yet here Emily stood, offering Dani support and comfort, her eyes filled with compassion and understanding; encouraging Dani to look ahead.
"Miss Dani, promise me, when you see rainbows, you'll think of me." Emily's voice was a gentle whisper that reached Matt and had him blinking back tears.
"I promise," Dani murmured softly, a tight band around her chest that barely allowed her to breathe. Despite the cramping in her calves from her kneeling position, she felt she would shatter if she moved, so she concentrated on the pain; concentrated on anything but having to think about death moving ever closer toward Emily.
Emily gave Dani a searching look, seemed to find what she was looking for and with a bright smile, asked, "Can I skate now?"
"I have to put my skates on first," Dani answered shakily.
"I'll skate with her until you're ready," Matt offered quietly from the other side of the wall, his gray eyes filled with understanding.
Emily looked at him with owl eyes. "You know how to figure skate?" she asked him skeptically, cocking her head to one side, and giving him a curious look, her blonde curls bouncing lightly.
Matt's eyebrows lifted and he couldn't help smiling at her expression. "Well, it's been many years since I 'figured skated', but with any luck I'll remember enough not to embarrass myself too much and what I don't remember, I'll simply have you show me again," he offered.
Emily chewed her lip, pondering his suggestion and cast Dani a questioning glance, who simply answered her unspoken question with a shrug of her shoulders and a watery smile.
"What do you say, Princess?" Matt's voice was a slow, deep purr.
"It will only take me a couple of minutes to get my skates on," Dani stated encouragingly, nodding toward the ice. "And we are on a time limit. You wait too long, and those hockey slugs will be back over here giving us more grief."
Emily looked longingly at the ice; her little teeth worried her upper lip, indecision shone in her blue eyes as she looked back and forth between Matt, Dani and the ice. Several seconds later, with a huge sigh that turned into a wracking cough (and thankfully lasted only a few seconds), she nodded in agreement. "Promise you won't dawdle too long putting your skates on?"
"Cross my heart!" Dani said, and did just that. "Promise you won't make the hockey slug look too bad out there on the ice?" she teased back.
"Cross my heart!" Emily mimicked with a bright smile.
"Then give me a hug, and go get warmed up while I put on my skates," Dani demanded, enfolding the little girl into her arms and giving her a gentle squeeze, a small frown creasing her forehead as she was once again reminded just how frail Emily was.
Dani watched Emily wobble her way down the rubber-covered aisle as she headed for the open doorway onto the ice. Emily's urgent, "Hurry up, Miss Dani," from over her shoulder, had a smile curving Dani's lips as she began the process of putting on her boots, banging her heel into place and lacing up her skates.
Matt met Emily as she stepped onto the ice, and held out his hand to her, offering her his assistance. Emily sent him a frown, and her lower lip slipped into sulky pout as she stated seriously, "I can skate all by myself; I don't need to hold your hand!"
Matt's eyebrows lifted in surprise and a slow smile curved his lips as he watched her skate shakily away from him, her arms held away from her sides as she struggled to keep her balance on the slick surface. "I can see that," he called to her retreating back, and skated slowly after her until he was behind her, but only an arm's length away.
In silence, Matt followed Emily, watching her every move, his breath catching in his throat when she nearly fell, his hands reaching for her even as she righted herself. The sudden realization his hands were sweating and he was chewing nervously on his lip had him shaking his head in disbelief; he was shaking in his skates, certain she was going to fall and he wasn't going to be able to stop her from doing it.
"Loosen up, hockey slug!" Dani demanded with a wicked laugh, after she soundlessly approached him, hip-checked him, knocking him off balance and nearly sent him to the ice.
Matt struggled to regain his footing, realized it had been Dani who had blind-sided him and silently cursed himself for letting his guard down around her. After seeing her in action on the ice the day before, he should have known better, but he'd been so busy worrying over Emily, he had allowed himself to be caught off guard. Something any hockey player worth a damn knew better than to do; never turn your back on an opponent. Somehow though, it was difficult to view Dani as an opponent, even though she'd proven herself to be a better-than-average adversary. So here he was, floundering around on the ice, flailing his arms like a windmill as he attempted to regain his balance, and making a total fool of himself in front of a world class figure skater and a five year old. Could the day get any better?
After what felt like an eternity, Matt finally regained his balance, heaved a sigh filled with both relief and exasperation, ran his hands through his hair and found himself under the watchful gaze of Dani and Emily.
"Miss Dani, I think you'd better hold his hand. I think he needs your help more than I do," Emily intoned seriously, shaking her head back and forth, her look filled with empathy at his less than stellar performance on the ice. "If you listen to everything Miss Dani says, she can help you skate much better!" Emily suggested, her blue gaze directed to Matt, then turned and skated wobbly away.
Matt's mouth turned upward in a wolfish grin, as he watched Emily skate away from them, and the look he sent Dani was filled with humor. Silently, he held his hand out toward her.
Dani's eyebrows lifted sardonically as she glanced from Matt's hand to his smiling gray eyes.
Matt wiggled his fingers. "You heard the Princess, I need someone to hold my hand."
"In your dreams, Bub! Both you and I know that isn't true. I just got lucky, and caught you unawares. I doubt, another such opportunity will ever present itself again in this lifetime," Dani stated with a low laugh, and began to slowly follow Emily across the ice.
"Are you suggesting you look for opportunities to knock men on their butts on the ice?" Matt asked, easily catching up with her, his strokes silent and powerful.
"I don't specifically look for them, but when opportunities fall in my lap, I generally can't resist taking advantage of them!" Dani quipped, sending him a devilish look.
"I understand all about taking advantages of opportunities. That's why I'm taking advantage of this one." Matt declared, reaching for her left hand, and weaving their fingers together, their palms sliding against each other's warmly. This time, the feeling of rightness that raced through him, as they touched, didn't surprise him.
"Matt&ldots;" Dani murmured, trying to pull her hand free of his, her attempt only half-hearted as she tried to ignore the rush of warmth that flooded her senses at his hand gently surrounded her own.
"We're only skating, Dani. To quote you, 'loosen up'!" Matt teased her, and they slowly skated together, their strides adjusting to each other's as they continued to circle the far end of the ice rink. Keeping their promise to Matt's teammates, they stuck to their corner of the ice.
"I am loose!" Dani countered, picking up the pace, then frowning as Matt stayed with her, their movements identical, as if they had skated together for years.
Matt snorted in disagreement. "Yeah, right! Dani, you're wound so tight I'm surprised you don't have to screw your tights on to wear them."
"What? You don't know what you're talking about," Dani growled, trying to pull her hand from his grasp, failing yet again, and frowning in frustration.
"Anyone with half a mind and an ounce of concern can see you're running on fumes. And yet, here you are, pushing not only your physical, but your emotional, endurance beyond what common sense, and I'm guessing your doctor's, dictate, for the sake of skating with a little girl. Is it worth risking ruining your chance to go to the Olympics for?"
"Anything is worth the risk to me if it gives that little girl another few moments on the ice, another chance to make a memory, another chance to forget that she'll never experience all she should," Dani murmured quietly.
Closing her eyes in an effort to stem the flow of ever-threatening tears, she tried to concentrate on the cool air that rushed over her heated cheeks, the pounding of her heart, the fact it was suddenly so difficult to take a full breath.
Her eyes flew open when her toe pick caught the ice, and she felt herself falling forward, knew it would only be a matter of milliseconds before she hit the cold, hard surface, and prepared for the jarring landing. To suddenly find herself lifted effortlessly and held securely in Matt's arms, hugged tightly against his wide chest, had her mind spinning dizzily and her breath catching in her chest.
Matt held her tightly, his arms wrapped securely around her back and under her legs. One moment she was starting to fall forward, the next he was stopping her motion, swinging her into his arms and holding her as if he wouldn't ever let her go. The funny part was, he couldn't even remember how he'd managed to get her into his arms. Everything had happened in a split second, and yet, here she was, safe and sound and feeling entirely too good in his arms. They coasted to a slow stop.
Matt's gray gaze capture Dani's green one. "Maybe you're the one who needs to hold someone's hand, Darlin'" he stated softly, their lips separated by only a few inches.
Dani's gaze was mesmerized by Matt's beautiful mouth, and deep, soft voice. She knew how it felt, how it tasted, and longed to close the space that separated them and lose herself in the magic his kiss could bring. It was so very tempting. Her green eyes spoke volumes, desire and need clear in their shining depths. Matt's mouth dipped toward her own, his breath a warm sigh against her full lips, and anticipation filled him as he remembered the delight he had found in the kisses they had shared before.
Her fingers lifting to lie against Matt's warm lips stopped his forward motion, but he was unable to resist kissing her long, soft fingers. "Matt, please, don't," she sighed softly, her voice wistful and filled with regret. Her fingers curled to form a tight fist as she lowered her hand, and he wondered if the motion was to hold on to the feelings his kiss had wrought, or to crush them in an effort to forget them.
"Dani?"
"Matt, put me down please," Dani pleaded, the warmth and security of his arms suddenly feeling confining, the concern and compassion she saw in his eyes made her want to both disappear into the comfort he offered and rage to the heavens at the unfairness of life.
But once again, the walls that shut out the overwhelming emotions that burned through her flew into place and she stubbornly pushed his offer away. She wasn't deserving of his concern. She didn't need it. She was strong, all by herself. She didn't need anyone to lean on; didn't want anyone to lean on, because there was always the possibility that that someone wouldn't be there tomorrow. She knew more than so many how precarious life could be. She knew her parent's story, had grown up hearing how close they had come to losing each other before she and her brother had even been a sparkle in their parent's eyes. She had watched the personal havoc that her brother's fiancé, Chloe, had suffered, barely surviving a vicious attack from her ex-partner, before finally finding peace and happiness.
And now, she watched Emily battle a disease she knew she had no chance beating, and yet, every word, every action from the young girl was designed to comfort the adults around her.
What right did she have to feel anything but joy and anticipation? She was America's 'Golden Girl'; America's greatest hope for Olympic Gold. And hadn't her life always been golden, always filled with laughter, love, good health, and her family surrounding her? For as long as she could remember, she had been constantly praised about her amazing talent on the ice, the magic she shared whenever she set foot on that slick surface; the wonder and awe her skills inspired. Some had even gone so far as to voice their beliefs that out of all the Rocmanovs, Dani was the 'best' on the ice, a statement that had led to several spirited, albeit good-natured, debates among the family. But right this moment, she wished the magic everyone talked so much about, was a reality and could be used for something useful; like healing Emily.
But that would never happen, and Dani's heart thudded painfully in her chest as her tear-glazed eyes caught sight of Emily's wobbly progress across the ice.
Matt released her legs, and did his best to ignore the rush of sensation that flowed through him as her hip brushed against his thigh, but his arm remained about her waist until he until she was safely back on the ice, with her feet securely beneath her. "Dani?" Matt's voice was a soft caress.
Dani stepped away from his towering form, her hands held upward, as if her palms pressed against an invisible wall. Her head shook slowly back and forth; her expression filled with pain as tears traced silvery paths down her pale cheeks.
Matt's heart clenched at the pain and sorrow he saw in Dani's eyes, and he wished with all his soul he had the words that could take away her pain and put the sparkling light of life back in them. "Dani, talk to me," he encouraged, bending down, his hands on his knees, as he tried to get to more of an eye-to-eye level with her.
Dani's arms wrapped across her chest, hugging herself as she struggled to regain control of the emotions that were slipping ever further from her control and were close to running rampant. She felt ready to explode. "I can't!" she gasped breathlessly, digging her nails into her arms as she tried to concentrate on anything but the sorrow she felt whenever she thought about how limited Emily's time might be.
Matt watched, as Dani's sorrow-filled eyes followed Emily's every move around the ice. He could feel the pain emanating off her in heavy waves; waves that seemed to crush the life out of her a little more with each passing moment. Unsure what else to do, he decided to change his tactic. "Dani, skating with Emily is killing you. I don't think you should do it anymore." Matt stated flatly.
It took a moment for his statement to sink in, but when she turned his furious gaze on him, he knew he'd been right. In silence, he watched as her face smoothed into a beautiful mask, her green eyes dark and cold; emotionless, and her chin lifted defiantly, as she said in a voice so cold he wasn't surprised by the shiver that went through him, "This is none of your concern, Mr. Tanner. I will skate with Emily whenever she asks me to, and we will do our best not to interrupt your hockey practices again." With a scathing look at his teammates at the other end of the ice, she offered condescendingly, "God knows you all need the practice; the Canadians are going to eat you alive!"
Without another word, Dani skated away from Matt, catching up with Emily and swinging her into her arms. Emily's angelic laugh filled the cool air, and echoed off the high ceiling, and even the hockey players looked down the ice at the figure skaters now spinning in circles, laughing wildly, and had to smile.
Matt skated back to his teammates, and cast a final glance at the two skaters still frolicking on the opposite end of the ice. He didn't take Dani's comments to heart, he knew she'd simply been striking out, wanting to hurt as much as she hurt, and he was more than happy to be her outlet. Seeing her furious and filled with fire was better than the heartbreaking sorrow and defeat he had witnessed in her eyes.
He had no illusions, he knew it was a momentary fix. Until Dani came to terms with the fact that, regardless of how much she raged against fate, pleaded with the Lord, or bargained with the Devil, nothing was going to change. Plain, flat, simple: Emily was going to die. Matt only worried how much of Dani was going to follow her to heaven.
A puck whizzing by Matt's ear, at high speed, had him returning his attention to where it was supposed to be and cursing himself for his stupidity and inattention, he rejoined his teammates in their practice.
It took him getting hit by two pucks, in quick succession, that finally had him concentrating on hockey and pushing Dani to the back of his mind.*
Copyright © 2001-2002 C.E. Moynihan
*All Rights Reserved